No, I Am Not Ophiuchus

The new sign is apparently called Ophiuchus, has something to do with a man wrassling a big-assed snake, and all of us Sagittarians and Capricorns who were born between November 29th and December 17 are now, well . . . we’re now apparently Ophiuchuns.

This change also pretty much mucks everyone else because it changes the whole zodiac around as well. Needless to say, this just doesn’t fly in my book for so many reasons — not the least of which being that whole “13 Sign” thing — so I refuse to acknowledge the legitimacy of this change.

And anyway, isn’t this something that people are supposed to vote on?

Here’s the alleged new zodiac per the good people from the world zodiac headquarters located in Rose Nylund’s hometown of St. Olaf, Minnesota:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

So this is the one and only time I am even going to reference some sign I cannot even pronounce. We now return to our regular Zodiac!